Sometimes I feel like a man without a country.
I can feel them pulling away as I'm resigned to stay the same
I feel like there is a distance growing between my family and me. I'm the only one who doesn't live in Arizona. When I stop and think about it, it seems kinda random to realize that I'm in Colorado when my whole family is in AZ. When I retrace the steps that brought me here it makes sense and I understand why I'm here, but that doesn't always make it easy to be away.
I miss 'em and I sort of feel like I'm missing out on things, especially now that my brother is home from his mission. Sure, when I was away from home for school I missed them then but I thought that my being away from them was temporary because college is temporary. After each semester of school, I returned to AZ for a few weeks at a time, sometimes for over a month. When I was going to school, I didn't plan on moving back to AZ immediately but I just didn't realize that there would be a time when I wouldn't be going back to AZ every three months. Well, I did realize that, I just didn't understand the implications.
I have a buddy who is a cadet at the Air Force Academy just north of Colorado Springs. He graduates from the Academy in May and he's planning on spending some time in Tunisia with the Air Force to learn French before he heads to flight school in the fall in Florida. I'm kinda sad that I can't really get away with something like that anymore. I have a "career job" now and I think the time in my life where I have the freedom to go live somewhere random for a few months has passed. While the experience of living somewhere like Tunisia would be pretty rad in itself, what interests me more about such an adventure would be eliminating some of the ties I have now. Because I feel like cutting myself loose would allow me to feel close to my family and friends and everything I'm missing right now.
P.S. Happy 100th post, Myke.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
expatriate
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I was going to make a post that basically expressed some of the feelings you shared in your last paragraph. While I don't consider my current job a long term career, I do miss the feeling that I could defer my next semester of find a cool job somewhere I've never lived next summer because "I'm off-track"
ReplyDeletearizona would gladly welcome you back.
ReplyDeletesorry, Myke. I had the hardest time with this when we lived in Illinois. it seemed like everyone we loved was always getting together and having fun without us. it's the worst.
ReplyDeletewe see our families more often now that we're out of school and in Texas but they're still far away. and it's even sadder now because I feel like everyone is missing out on seeing Claire grow up.
The bottom line is that those feelings suck and that's that. One thing that helped us was when we finally made friends in Illinois that served as our family. still haven't found our surrogate family here in Texas, though. know any cool Austin-ites?
Its funny because right now more than anything I want a "career job." I'm tired of school and the uncertainty of my future. . . . but once all that happens I'm sure I'll long for the days of going on random road trips with my buddies.
ReplyDeleteQuinn -- I'm pretty sure I've suggested this more than once, but we really need to find a way to become independently wealthy so we can just hang and travel the world full-time.
ReplyDeleteJess -- Thank you! Hopefully that moment will be sooner than later.
Jacquee -- Thanks for your comment, it helps to know I have other friends that are experiencing the same thing.
Zach -- The grass is always greener, right? And what are you talking about, you totally have a "career job", you're a substitute teacher.
I watched Office Space yesterday. Tv version so I guess that took most of the (R) rating out of it. Even though my career-job is not like the main character's, i still trap myself in that feeling of," I can't take off like that anymore." I book my weekends as much as a month in advance with appointments and those little get-aways become fewer and far between. Sometimes my country feels like my massage room and my Pilates studio since my time there has more of my allegiance than most anything else, sometimes even my darling 2 year-old. Which reminds me, he's already 2!
ReplyDeleteI encourage you to kick the "soledad"feeling now, it can definitely surface with a spouse and kid(s).
p.s. loved the AZ B-day/ Valentine's Day post. Who knew i lived in 2 of the nation's most boring cities within the last 5 years. Swell.
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