I woke up around 3:30 am this morning and haven't been able to resume my slumber (it's currently 5:02 am). This used to happen to me more often than it does now, about once a month, now it only occurs once every two to three months (for that I am grateful). I never know what it is that wakes me but it's anxiety that I won't be able to fall back asleep and get a full night's rest that keeps me awake. Which seems a bit poetic.
In my general anxious state, my worried mind conjures up other thoughts that seem to only increase the anxiety. For example, where am I going to be live when my apartment lease is up at the end of the month? (I'm trying to buy a house in the historic neighborhood just to the north of where I live now, and I'm doubtful that I will find one I love and close on it before March 31.)
Also contributing to my anxiety:
- What will I have for dinner tonight?
- I can't get "Codes and Keys" by Death Cab for Cutie out of my head. What's worse, I can't find a quality version of the song on YouTube or SoundCloud to embed in this post.
- What am I supposed to do with the rest of my life? (This is a big one.)
- How can I save money (or make more money) to travel more?
When I wake up in the early AM I can usually tell whether or not it will take me a couple hours to fall back asleep. About half an hour in, I start to wonder if there is something I should be doing to better spend my time than wishing to be asleep. My current options include:
- Cleaning my apartment. And taking care of that huge pile of dishes in my sink.
- Reading. I just started John Steinbeck's hefty biography. At 1168 pages it's not something I will finish anytime soon (I'll most likely read it in sections).
- Watching Pushing Daisies. I only saw a few episodes of this show before it was cancelled and since then, I've only seen a couple more. So I was happy to discover that Prime members can watch it for free on Amazon. I know this doesn't count as a better use of my time but I'm going to get around to watching it all sooner or later so why not knock out a couple episodes since I've got nothing else going on.
- Journal writing. I say that like I do this every now and then -- I don't -- but I'd like to make a habit of it so I should probably start.
Well, it's 5:36 am now, which means I've been awake long enough to be able to fall back asleep. And it will probably take me a good 15 minutes to proofread this, so I'll wrap this up now.